


Glassy Thoughts

by TheBiophone



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Blood, Bodily Fluids, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Fate & Destiny, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Murder, Other, implied/referenced sexual violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 16:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19445086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBiophone/pseuds/TheBiophone
Summary: Some time working with Nadja may be what helps Guillermo with some unpleasant thoughts.





	Glassy Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: I tagged this fic with "implied sexual violence" on the basis that it deals with something from the canon that could be read as violent in a sexual manner. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but you know what they say—better safe than sorry.]

Glass was scattered across the floor of Laszlo and Nadja’s crypt. The lady vampire had enlisted the help of Guillermo to pick up the pieces. Of course, she was on-scene to ensure everything was in order.

“Okay, so when you’ve got all that together, if you could just bring it over here—” Nadja gestured to the corner near where she was standing “—that would be great.” Guillermo complied, lifting the bag full of shards from point A to point B. “Thank you, dear,” Nadja said, “and please— _ please _ —be careful not to cut yourself on the glass. That would be… messy, to say the least.” She grimaced.

“No worries…,” Guillermo said hushedly. “Will you be needing any help getting the case replaced?”

Nadja pondered the question. “We’ll see,” she eventually replied. “It will depend on whether or not Laszlo can salvage the taxidermy.”

“Was the case under warranty?” Guillermo asked.

“I don’t think so,” Nadja said, “and if it were, I can’t imagine it was covered in case of… bat fights.”

Guillermo sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “Sorry about what my master did earlier.”

“Ah, it’s only half his fault,” Nadja said. “It would not have escalated to the point it had were it not for my darling husband’s insidious foolhardiness.” She paused before asking, “Nandor’s alright, isn’t he? He wasn’t terribly scuffed up by the fight?”

“No, not at all,” Guillermo said.

“Good, good.”

For a moment, Guillermo stood quietly. Something had been on his mind recently. Well, several things had been, but this one thought seemed to be bubbling to the surface. It was a topic that was going to be difficult—not to mention flat-out  _ weird _ —to ask about, but it seemed that if anybody was going to have a straight answer, it would be Nadja.

“Say, Nadja, can I ask you something?” Guillermo asked.

“Sure, Guillermo,” Nadja replied. “What is it?”

“So, the witches….”

“Yes, yes, those pesky witches.”

“... Do you really think they’re going to come and steal my master’s… seed?”

“Quite possibly,” Nadja replied. “As you know, Nandor has some very potent seed.”

“Not as potent as Genghis Khan, though!” Colin said, appearing suddenly in the crack of the door.

Guillermo got up and charged at the door, his brow furrowed. “Get out of here, Colin Robinson!” Before Guillermo could do anything more, Colin disappeared, a devious grin on his face.

Guillermo walked back over to Nadja. He sat down on the floor, and, to his mild surprise, Nadja followed suit. “So, like… w-what would happen if the witches—like, what’s going to happen to Nandor?” he asked.

“Potentially nothing, for all we really know,” Nadja said. “I mean, yes, they will probably come and try to steal Nandor’s semen again, but they could just as easily decide to steal… Laszlo’s… semen….” She trailed off. Then, she said, “Actually, no, I don’t think they’ll do that.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“So, uh, anyway,” Guillermo continued, “I-if witches do come here, what—how are we going to protect Nandor?”

“Quite frankly, I think he’s perfectly capable of defending himself,” Nadja said. “... But I suppose that didn’t stop the witches the first time.”

“Ah, yeah,” Guillermo said. He thought for a second. “Maybe we could throw Laszlo’s hat at them! That could really mess up their plans!”

“Didn’t you hear?” Nadja said. “Laszlo is finally rid of that bloody hat.”

“He is?” Guillermo asked. “But he loved that hat.”

“Yes,” Nadja said, “but when he saw it was causing you to bloody flatline in the hospital, he decided to be rid of it for good.”

Guillermo sat silently with his mouth agape. It took a moment before he could say, “O-okay, well, how about water? Witches melt when you throw water at them, right?”

“Some of them do,” Nadja said. “Others actively work with water in their magic. It is not a sure-fire defence.”

“Oh,” Guillermo said.

“I’m a little surprised Nandor doesn’t have a witch bottle buried out front,” Nadja said. “I am a little surprised none of us do, actually. You would think Laszlo would, at least, but then again, he has always loved a little danger.” She smiled gently—then slightly less gently.

“A witch bottle?” Guillermo questioned.

“Yes, a witch bottle,” Nadja said. “A bottle for keeping away witches.”

“W… what goes into that?”

“Urine.”

Redness flushed over Guillermo’s face immediately. He did not say a thing.

“I mean, good luck trying to get Nandor to urinate into a wine bottle,” Nadja said. “You know how he is with that sort of thing.”

“I sure do!” Guillermo said, stiff with embarrassment. “I sure do.”

“Nevertheless, I think that if Nandor wants to keep witches away, that would be his best bet.”

“Good to know!” Guillermo said. “Good to know….” He looked around the room. “So, uh...—.”

“Listen, darling,” Nadja said, “tell me: are you still Nandor’s familiar?”

“Yeee-ep…,” Guillermo said.  _ Always a familiar…. _

“Then whatever Nandor thinks is going to happen, it isn’t terribly serious,” Nadja said. “Trust me, if he thought you had put him into any serious danger, he would have sucked the life out of you by now.”

Guillermo widened his eyes. No words could form in his mind.

“Like, he would have completely devoured you, drinking all of your delicious, delicious blood, leaving you a pale corpse on the front lawn, waiting for the sun to bleach you even paler.”

The human batted his eyes. “He—what— _ delicious? _ ” He shook his head. “So what you’re saying is that he thinks it’s going to be okay?”

“Yes, that is what I am saying,” Nadja said. “Nandor may not be the smartest vampire around, but… but….” She struggled to finish her sentence. “I’m sure he’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah,” Guillermo said, looking down.

“He survived it the first time, after all.”

“Yeah, that’s… that’s true.”

Nadja stood up. “Well,” she said, “You’ve certainly done a good job of cleaning up in here. You are free to go whenever.”

“Don’t you want me to take the glass out for recycling or something…?” Guillermo asked.

Nadja pursed her lips. “Aaactually, would you mind taking it all up to the attic?” she asked. “I want to keep it, just in case… well, just in case.”

“Okay,” Guillermo said, picking up the bag again. “I’ll just go… do that….”

“And again: be careful not to cut yourself!” she said. “We wouldn’t want any accidents! We  _ really _ wouldn’t want any accidents....”

As Guillermo drifted away from earshot, all of the thoughts he had been having came back to him.

_ “It isn’t terribly serious,” _ he thought.  _ “He survived….” _

It wasn’t long before Guillermo got to the attic. He set down the sack of shards where the Baron’s coffin had been. He decided to sit down on the floor next to the bag.

And then, he cried.


End file.
